This is really touching and something that I’m sure a lot of people are unaware of - clutter and grief.
I see those programmes where someone holds the hand of the person to help them declutter and I wonder if this should be a social service for everyone who has experienced a loss. xx
It should definitely be talked about more. But the thing is, it can take years to get to a state where help is needed. It’s such a complex set of emotions and circumstances that lead to things getting bad. And my home isn’t anywhere near as bad as the homes you see on those programmes, but I’m aware I need to nip it in the bud now.
I can empathise with this. I have stuff from my parents house from 20 years ago that I really need to let go. Also I lost my eldest son 6 years ago but I can't bring myself to get rid of certain items of clothing hanging in cupboards from when he lived at home.
I read somewhere that taking photos as memories helps with letting go of objects but I have yet to try it.
Oh Sharon, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It’s quite natural to hold onto items for a loved one like that. I had to get rid of so much when I moved house, but if I hadn’t moved I may still have more things.
I have done the photo thing with my daughter’s artwork over the years. I had a massive pile of scribbles and drawings from nursery, child minder and then school. I took photos of the better ones and recycled everything. I haven’t done anything with the folder - but now I’m thinking about it - I could do a photo album for her 21st next year.
Take your time though and don’t feel pressure to get rid of things - I like to think of it as the items having a new life and bringing joy to someone else.
This is a very moving post. I'm so sorry for the loss. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I'm also very untidy and understand something of loss. It does feel like a game, following leads and being gentle. Sometimes I find a sacred practice helps - anything that appeals - letting go and handing over to something else. I heard a good phrase from Nicholas Royle - 'Let go or be dragged..' And buying myself flowers - then I tidy up for them. Or I start in a very small corner and make it beautiful and progress inch by inch celebrating the tiny oasis and stop when it hurts or when I get disillusioned or bad tempered. Sometimes I don't stop and that's not good. Sending much love. In the end it doesn't matter. I love that joke about the housewife who spent all her life clearing away dust and then they buried her in it! You clearly love your daughter and are patient - far better than worrying about clearing stuff. It's for you - a treat to do for yourself when you're in the mood? I will promptly try and follow my own advice and be interested in any other strategies you come up with!!!
Thank you so much Xanthe. I love that saying ‘let go or be dragged’! Also tidying up for your flowers 🩷 - that’s so lovely. It is a big task and sometimes overwhelming, but I am trying to break it down into small manageable pieces. I think that’s the only way for me to do it.
I never thought of tidying as a treat before - but I love that mindset. Totally going to use that :)
Oh my. I so relate to not being able to let go of things! There are four of us living in a small flat amongst not only our own belongings but all my inherited stuff. I am the keeper of items from both sets of grandparents, both parents and two uncles. This includes furniture, art, shelves full of books, diaries, letters aswell as smaller items and my nana’s wedding china. I have a great attachment to history and have worked as an archivist so often feel I am archiving the life of my family. Needless to say it drives my living family crazy.
You have such an understandable reason for filling your spaces and it made me wonder if I’m trying to keep all my deceased family around me through their belongings…
Ah I really think it is a big reason for hoarding. Can you digitise some of your families records? It’s all about knowing what to let go of and what to keep - but there’s always that fear about making the wrong decision! I totally get it.
This is really touching and something that I’m sure a lot of people are unaware of - clutter and grief.
I see those programmes where someone holds the hand of the person to help them declutter and I wonder if this should be a social service for everyone who has experienced a loss. xx
It should definitely be talked about more. But the thing is, it can take years to get to a state where help is needed. It’s such a complex set of emotions and circumstances that lead to things getting bad. And my home isn’t anywhere near as bad as the homes you see on those programmes, but I’m aware I need to nip it in the bud now.
I can empathise with this. I have stuff from my parents house from 20 years ago that I really need to let go. Also I lost my eldest son 6 years ago but I can't bring myself to get rid of certain items of clothing hanging in cupboards from when he lived at home.
I read somewhere that taking photos as memories helps with letting go of objects but I have yet to try it.
Oh Sharon, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It’s quite natural to hold onto items for a loved one like that. I had to get rid of so much when I moved house, but if I hadn’t moved I may still have more things.
I have done the photo thing with my daughter’s artwork over the years. I had a massive pile of scribbles and drawings from nursery, child minder and then school. I took photos of the better ones and recycled everything. I haven’t done anything with the folder - but now I’m thinking about it - I could do a photo album for her 21st next year.
Take your time though and don’t feel pressure to get rid of things - I like to think of it as the items having a new life and bringing joy to someone else.
The photo album for your daughter sounds like a wonderful idea.
This is a very moving post. I'm so sorry for the loss. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I'm also very untidy and understand something of loss. It does feel like a game, following leads and being gentle. Sometimes I find a sacred practice helps - anything that appeals - letting go and handing over to something else. I heard a good phrase from Nicholas Royle - 'Let go or be dragged..' And buying myself flowers - then I tidy up for them. Or I start in a very small corner and make it beautiful and progress inch by inch celebrating the tiny oasis and stop when it hurts or when I get disillusioned or bad tempered. Sometimes I don't stop and that's not good. Sending much love. In the end it doesn't matter. I love that joke about the housewife who spent all her life clearing away dust and then they buried her in it! You clearly love your daughter and are patient - far better than worrying about clearing stuff. It's for you - a treat to do for yourself when you're in the mood? I will promptly try and follow my own advice and be interested in any other strategies you come up with!!!
Thank you so much Xanthe. I love that saying ‘let go or be dragged’! Also tidying up for your flowers 🩷 - that’s so lovely. It is a big task and sometimes overwhelming, but I am trying to break it down into small manageable pieces. I think that’s the only way for me to do it.
I never thought of tidying as a treat before - but I love that mindset. Totally going to use that :)
Oh my. I so relate to not being able to let go of things! There are four of us living in a small flat amongst not only our own belongings but all my inherited stuff. I am the keeper of items from both sets of grandparents, both parents and two uncles. This includes furniture, art, shelves full of books, diaries, letters aswell as smaller items and my nana’s wedding china. I have a great attachment to history and have worked as an archivist so often feel I am archiving the life of my family. Needless to say it drives my living family crazy.
You have such an understandable reason for filling your spaces and it made me wonder if I’m trying to keep all my deceased family around me through their belongings…
Ah I really think it is a big reason for hoarding. Can you digitise some of your families records? It’s all about knowing what to let go of and what to keep - but there’s always that fear about making the wrong decision! I totally get it.